Archives

08-01-2010: Maurice Stoker quasireviews The Vicious Circulation of Dr. Catastrophe: A Polemical Ensemble by Kane X. Faucher By Maurice Stoker
06-01-2010: Boozer Allan Hamilton Justifies the Tea Party By Boozer Allan Hamilton
04-15-2010: Keith Olbermann Freaks Out Pig Bodine By Pig Bodine
06-15-2009: Saving California: Secession and the Reagan Scheme By Pig Bodine
05-15-2009: Maurice Stoker on Tom Bradley's Even the Dog Won't Touch Me By Maurice Stoker
12-15-2008: Two Glad Tidings from The Marshall By Marshall Smith
11-01-2008: Sarah Palin's Party of God By Maurice Stoker
09-15-2008: Double-Ended Dildos Manufactured at Cosmodrome By Kane X. Faucher
07-15-2008: At the Airport By Tom Bradley
05-01-2008: Building the Perfect Weapon By Thomas Sullivan
04-01-2008: CNBC Wins Pequod Institute Award for Excellence in High School Journalism By Pig Bodine, M.Sc., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA
03-01-2008: Pig Bodine's Funky Financial Cooze Network Topological Finance for Aging Bald Dudes By Pig Bodine, M.Sc., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA
12-01-2007: Un Mensaje Navideño del Director General Por Sandra Ramos Rossi; Christmas Parades are a Deadly Derangement of Culture and other Seasonal Asides by Kane X. Faucher
11-01-2007: Euphotan, Protoplasmic Flash, and their Properties by Nail, with commentary by Chevy the Scientist
10-01-2007: Suggested reading, Universitatis Merdalina Literature 734.5, Advanced Topics in Mathematical Literature: Pseudo-British/American/Pidgin English Literature, Tensor Products of Novels and Poetry for Quasi-Conformal Plagiarism in Modern Genre and its Relationship to Sexual Identity and Morphisms by Maurice Stoker
08-01-2007: The Unexamined Life in Hell: Peregrinations Across The Diagnosis by Alan Lightman by Maurice Stoker
06-01-2007: Presidential Politics in the Year of the Toad by Boozer Allan Hamilton Ph.D.
04-01-2007: An Eleventh Tonkin Scenario by Donald Dickerson
03-01-2007: The Second Annual Howard Littlefield Boosterism Award for Economic Forecasting Awarded to Boozer Allan Hamilton by Pig Bodine, M.Sc., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA
12-01-2006: Maurice Stoker On Writing a Prize Winning Best Seller by Maurice Stoker
11-01-2006: ¿Study says lack of talent? by Pig Bodine M.S., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA
08-01-2006: US Cracks International Terrorist Ring by Maurice Stoker
06-01-2006: Pig Bodine Solves the US Immigration and Education Dilemmas in One Blow by Pig Bodine M.S., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA
05-01-2006: Maurice Stoker Anent Two Errors in Thomas Pynchon’s Mason and Dixon by Maurice Stoker
Full PAM Archive

Maurice Stoker quasireviews The Vicious Circulation of Dr. Catastrophe: A Polemical Ensemble by Kane X. Faucher: By Maurice Stoker. Once again I am torn from my fairyland of gleet to review for the loutish Drill Press. On this occassion none other than Pig Bodine himself, wearing U. S. Navy enlisted dress blues (gabardine, not the issue thick wool cracker jack outfit) with insignia of BM2 and tar flap collar adorned with the doctoral regalia colors of his economics PhD lined in the glorious hues of his third rate university (or maybe just some afterthought from hell), an SP armband affixed to his right upper arm. How this lunatic escaped his asylum is anyone's guess, but he shows up and pulls me from the gloryhole in the Yokosuka O Club after whacking with his billy club a couple ithyphallic knot-hole protrusions, lovely boles both, to which I was in alternate attendence. Unceremoniously handcuffed, no less, and instead of a brutal sexual assault locked into a hotel room with a book (The Vicious Circulation of Dr. Catastrophe: A Polemical Ensemble by one Kane X. Faucher), a pad of cheap yellow paper and a handful of ecru wooden number two pencils with blunt writing leads. more...
Boozer Allan Hamilton Justifies the Tea Party: By Boozer Allan Hamilton. I have held back from tossing into the ring my two cents on the matter of BP and the gushing well in the Gulf of Mexico, but I can no longer hold my piece. Part of my reason to hold back is I have not wanted to demonstrate that Dick Armey, Rand Paul, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Sharron Angle, Mike Lee, Joe Barton and other members of Tea Party are correct in the approach to this problem.; Firstly of all, BP ought not to be paying one red cent to anyone for anything. Not for loss of life, not for damage on the coast or waters, not for any parts of it. Period. In fact, they ought not be attempting to stop the well gushing; after all, the well will run out of oil in some time. more...
Maurice Stoker on Tom Bradley's Even the Dog Won't Touch Me: By Maurice Stoker. I'm leading a tour of fellow literary professionals. Writers, editors, publishers, and agents. Lots of agents. A tour for a clutch of charities. A service tour of the glory holes of Europe. Western Europe. We do the US and Canada later in the year.; It seems that with Cheney and Bush Jr. having memoirs surreptitiously penned and to be published in the near future, they are both going to be with us on the US leg. I can't wait to see the Secret Service agents on their knees beside the former President and his Vice chowing down on anonymous wiener dogs protruding from holes in stark bathroom walls. Although I have been informed that SS will require all anonymous participants submit to short arm inspection and penile toivel, probably laving away the tasty smegma from around those few remaining lovely foreskins. more...
Presidential Politics in the Year of the Toad: By Boozer Allan Hamilton Ph.D.. Not BAH's intention, and in fact against policy within confines of this seldom-read online rag and its so-called publishers, to extol political candidates. But in approaching farce of ostentatious display of ceremonially choosing President of US from cloned cluster of group-thinking insiders, a particularly creepy lot of mental midgets vetted by corporate overlords for presentation to voters emerges. Ought be reconsidered carefully before pulling levers, pushing buttons or marking Xs as mainstream candidates represent finalization of imperial power. Right-thinking voters ought look to fringe candidates, those already marginalized by corporate media in grip of holy saintliness of US-British-Israeli axis of evil. more...
The Second Annual Howard Littlefield Award for Putting the Con in Economics Awarded to Boozer Allan Hamilton: By Pig Bodine, M.Sc., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA. For years I have been in awe of Allan Hamilton; an unappreciated genius laboring in the trenches. He presents papers at conferences to choruses of boos, Bronx cheers and profanity as if he were an academic version of Karen Findley. Of course, his theatricality is not the norm in the staid world of econometrics and economic forecasting, but his grasp of the fine points of semimartingales on tensor products of Hilbert and Banach manifolds as models for economic activity, home to nonlinear filters and predictors as the basis for his methods of building economic indicators and performing statistical inference on semimartingales, has put him decades, nay centuries ahead of his colleagues in predicting economic behavior. I use the word predict versus forecast because he predicts with the precision of one working in celestial mechanics. more...

Double-Ended Dildos Manufactured at Cosmodrome: By Kane X. Faucher. RUSSIA—Vladimir Putin announced today that the Russian Defense Department has recently unveiled their new line of kink-line weapons for the strategic defense of its frontier against US kink-line encroachment in Eastern Europe. more...
At the Airport: By Tom Bradley. There was no ready explanation for such a star's presence anywhere near our hopelessly benighted corner of the continent. It's not like our cow-shitty airstrip was a hub for Delta Airlines or anything. I was surprised to see no entourage fawning and fussing over this National Book Award winner. I was also curious as to why he wasn't scarfing the camembert hors d'oeuvres and champagne in the newly-built VIP Lounge, which would be otherwise deserted but for the members of the local Uncompahgre tribe, who'd recently gotten filthy rich building casinos on their reservation. more...

Saving California: Secession and the Reagan Scheme: By Pig Bodine. California fell for a Reagan scheme … sometimes called Reaganonics … not surprising given the old gasbag came from that fantasy land and governed it for a time before getting promoted to the Presidency. Reaganonics is a complex graft that can be carried on for decades given that three requirements are in play … but there's a significant difference between the Presidency and governorship of California when it comes to implementing the grift. more...
CNBC Wins Pequod Institute Award for Excellence in High School Journalism: By Pig Bodine, M.Sc., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA. This year's awardee is CNBC for their business day programming. This has led to some carping, as expected given the budget of network productions which only a handful of high schools are able to match. Notably, once again Palo Alto High School representatives complained that since the internet bubble deflated they have suffered more draconian budget cuts than NBC. Of course, this reflects the reality that overall the US stock markets never did return to their highs, most notably the embarrassing NASDAQ, with the S&P 500 just barely making it back before retreating.; One pundit noted that perhaps the award was based more on nostalgia than accomplishment as the judges transported back to their own high school days, particularly given the cast of prom characters from king and queen to chaperones, plain Janes, and generally smiling, frothy, empty bobbleheads. Not to mention the advertisements with the likes of Sam Waterson describing software allowing individual traders to lose money automatically buying high and selling low based on models they don't understand, as well as hysterical former hippie Dennis Hopper ranting that it is possible by careful planning to live more extravagantly in retirement than one ever lived while working. more...
Maurice Stoker Anent Two Errors in Thomas Pynchon’s Mason and Dixon: By Maurice Stoker. Given the climate of black-and-whitism about these days, let me confess I be a fan of Mr. Pynchon’s, having enjoyed in particular all his odd-numbered novels (anent this sequence more later, assuming this labyrinthine geodesic of aberrant mentality doesn’t cross the Rio Lethe). But there exist a pair of gaffs in Mason and Dixon more than mere flubs, given the duality of their pairing: one a spatial riff in the fabric of words, the other a temporal anomaly, an anachronism if you will, both mathematical to boot. These be nothing if not planned, part of the thread worming words into the very nature of space-time in all its curved fecundity; more than miscues of a mere mortal.; That is to wit first the stogie incident amidst chapter thirty-four (almost dead center!) in which a twisted cheroot (in a loose sense of the word) produces a smoak Möbius band. What horrible confusion to even the most moderately informed of readers! The would-be Toroidal smoak ring twisted via the quotient topology must emanate as smoak Klein bottle, not smoak Möbius band; as all those with a modicum of education (through only an elementary course in General Topology) know that the quotient space of a cylinder with reversed boundary identification becomes Klein bottle, the Möbius band rather the quotient space resulting from reversed boundary identification of rectangle. more...