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We pay no advances.

We will read works from agents only if they send us the results of the quiz for agents. Along with the quiz, list the last five authors you have placed, the works, and the publishers. If you have not yet placed that many authors, tell us who you have placed or who you have tried to place, with what work, and where.

Anarchist tendencies and lack of respect for official authority and organized superstition of all sorts, most especially Judeo-Christian and New Age, is encouraged, along with vulgar language when applied according to the rules of vulgar grammar, and explicit sex. The categories of official authority respected here are precise grammar, careful attention to consistent thought, and correct representation of tenets of mathematics and physical science. See the discussion in The Big Stupid Review part of the section on submissions to the online journals.

If you can cogently combine Harmonic Analysis on Lie Groups with Candy or Tensor Analysis on Manifolds with Giles Goat Boy, we want to see it.

Send no synopsis. We want a theory listing the major results and how you intend to support them. Write this in your best prose. If we like it, a sample chapter might be in order.