The Big Stupid Review
- Modern Tragedy, or Parodies of Ourselves
- By Robert Castle
- It had seemed reasonable – more reasonable than wrapping it in a newspaper he hadn't read or throwing it out with the carpet ("Or mailing it to his ex," I said under my breath) – well, reasonable to a confirmed bachelor, to take the poop and put it into the sink's garbage disposal. The disposal never worked the same, and Joe would have been wise to purchase a new one at the cost of a few hundred dollars. The episode certainly has made Joe's friends reluctant to come over to the condo, even when Joe was offering free beer and Pay Per View heavyweight bouts. more...
- Totally Enchanté, Dahling
- By Thor Garcia
- "Who doesn't love a little black cock?" Lindsay laughed and took another slug from the bottle of cabernet. more...
- Hastini
- By Rudy Ravindra
- However much she loathed the idea, in desperation, she had tried to find a suitable man on-line. She signed up on many sites like match.com, met a few men. Some were genuinely interested in finding a life partner, others were simply looking for fun. They all test-drove her but didn't make an offer. Not that the ride was bad. She pulled all the stops, gave it her best. But the men she met didn't seem interested in taking the relationship further. It was as if after sampling her wares, they decided to move on to better prospects, like butterflies flying off to more colorful flowers with sweeter nectar. more...
- Unexpected Pastures
- By Kim Farleigh
- Cristina's window-framed, blue-eyed blondness faced the spotlight that coated the world with eerie superficiality, like a sun in a black, lunar sky. Anyone scaling the slopes would have been caught by that night-time sun, an easy target for the lookout-tower men upon the hilltops. more...
- Nonviolence
- By Jim Coulter
- "Hey kid," Peter called out. "I'm not going to blast you into eternity with an assault rifle. more...
- The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter Volume 5
- Translation by W. C. Firebaugh
- (As she said this OEnothea brought) out a leathern dildo which, when she
had smeared it with oil, ground pepper, and pounded nettle seed, she commenced to force, little by little, up my anus. The merciless old virago then anointed the insides of my thighs with the same decoction; finally mixing nasturtium juice with elixir of southern wood, she gave my genitals a bath and, picking up a bunch of green nettles, she commenced to strike me gently all over my belly below the navel.
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- The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter Volume 4
- Translation by W. C. Firebaugh
- Antiquity knew three varieties of eunuch:
Castrati: Scrotum and testicles were amputated.
Spadones: Testicles were torn out.
Thlibiae: Testicles were destroyed by crushing.
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- The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter Volume 3
- Translation by W. C. Firebaugh
- A boy stained by every form of vice, who, by his own
confession, ought to be exiled: free, through vice, expert in vice, whose
favors came through a throw of the dice, who hired himself out as a girl
to those who knew him to be a boy! And as to the other, what about him?
In place of the manly toga, he donned the woman's stola when he reached
the age of puberty: he resolved, even from his mother's womb, never to
become a man; in the slave's prison he took the woman's part in the
sexual act, he changed the instrument of his lechery when he
double-crossed me, abandoned the ties of a long-standing friendship,
and, shame upon him, sold everything for a single night's dalliance,
like any other street-walker!
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- The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter Volume 2
- Translation by W. C. Firebaugh
- When it came to carving the boar, our old friend Carver, who
had carved the capons, did not appear, but in his place a great bearded
giant, with bands around his legs, and wearing a short hunting cape in
which a design was woven. Drawing his hunting-knife, he plunged it
fiercely into the boar's side, and some thrushes flew out of the gash.
fowlers, ready with their rods, caught them in a moment, as they
fluttered around the room and Trimalchio ordered one to each guest,
remarking, "Notice what fine acorns this forest-bred boar fed on," and as
he spoke, some slaves removed the little baskets from the tusks and
divided the Syrian and Theban dates equally among the diners.
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- The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter Volume 1
- Translation by W. C. Firebaugh
- He was certain that contempt would be engendered from the
inconstancy of my "sister," with the result that, being piqued at
Tryphaena, I would all the more freely receive his advances. Now this
was the state of affairs at the house of Lycas, Tryphaena was desperately
in love with Giton, Giton's whole soul was aflame for her, neither of
them was a pleasing sight to my eyes, and Lycas, studying to please me,
arranged novel entertainments each day, which Doris, his lovely wife,
seconded to the best of her ability, and so gracefully that she soon
expelled Tryphaena from my heart.
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- Introduction to Jim Chaffee's Studies in Mathematical Pornography
- By Maurice Stoker
- The Drill Press has decided to run as a serial some of the chapters from Part I of Jim Chaffee’s study in mathematical pornography, the novel in progress American Dream, Volume 1: New Orleans. What could be more interesting than mathematics? Of course, heterosexual congress is among the dullest of duties performed by the male of the species, but has been the lot of most men since the time of the Greeks who gave up cavorting with their catamites from time to time in order to fulfill the civic duty of impregnating their wives. But I defer you to Socrates for discussion on this drudgery. more...
- Introduction to Jim Chaffee's Studies in Mathematical Pornography
- By Tom Bradley
- But this is not just a mathematics book. It's mathematical pornography. Fucking is done in borderline infinite numbers of ways; human orifices are delved into like non-orientable surfaces. Whitey's encounters with females are analytically penetrative, like those portrait busts the Romans used to carve, with every wart and skin pore and chancre right in place, alongside noses and brows that would, in a more idealized context, be implausibly beautiful. Butcher sees the ugliness and the beauty and the inner complexities they conceal, ornament and express. more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream
- By Jim Chaffee
- Did you hear about the mathematician who was so boring even the other mathematicians noticed?—B. J. Pearson more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 1
- By Jim Chaffee
- Jehovah's most devoted and single-minded witness lay like a wizened lump of clay, shriveled memory of once boundless energy, muted cheerleader of the coming vengeance. She opened her brown eyes to see me standing alone beside the bed; offered no smile, not with her eyes, certainly not in the set of her mouth. The weak voice emitted just above my signal-to-noise ratio and I bent nearer to capture the words.
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- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 2
- By Jim Chaffee
- It had turned dusk and the Quarter lit up and came alive up as we walked up Bourbon Street blocked off from motorized vehicles for the night, Lori firmly gripping my free hand, my old black grip in the other, the macadam street sloping from the bald center towards broken lines of sidewalk. The buildings crowded flush against the sidewalks and hawkers for the strip joints standing in the doorways incited imagination to encourage entrance as bored topless girls standing behind them discouraged, the few on stage gyrating listlessly. GIRLS had been flipped from BOYS in LIVE ____ ON STAGE at Little Darlings. Knots of men and a few couples, most holding plastic cups of beer, stood gawking into the darkened dives.
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- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 3
- By Jim Chaffee
- The first day of class she'd approached me saying she never did well in math but she needed to learn this material and to pass the course. I looked into clear blue eyes and saw someone who believed in truth, fidelity, Jesus and the American dream. Someone who would someday transform into a suburban mother of children; her round, high ass spread wide and hanging cellulite-cratered over thighs gone to gobs of more cellulite; those well-contained breasts, now protruding like rounded hills hinting at perky nipples, submitting to gravity after duty as feeding bags, sagging flat against a thickened trunk and gone to wrinkled dugs with the release of the Cooper's ligament. I shuddered at the vision of elongated, chewed nipples on the ends of those two future sacks. But for now, tight calves and firm thighs bounding with potential energy for cheering leaps, displayed in short skirts, distracted. And she would always have her button nose, no matter how its base contorted with wrinkles.
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- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 4
- By Jim Chaffee
- "Are you going to fuck me, big boy?" Her voice had deepened and her face leathered, ancient, the bags under her crone's eyes puffy and dark. more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 5
- By Jim Chaffee
- By now I wrote more but erased it almost as soon as it hit the board, chalk in one hand and eraser in the other, modeled on the professor who had dragged me through a semester of multilinear algebra, tensors and exterior algebras and modules. On one end of his classroom high above the ground stood a window from floor to ceiling at the end of the chalkboard runway down which he had sped with chalk and eraser, wiping as he wrote, bouncing off the bars across the window and starting back the opposite direction. One day I stopped him with the comment that if we were to cut through the bars he would plunge to his death almost surely. He paused to laugh, saying the rumor was it had been a math professor falling to his death that had prompted the bars in the first place, then picked up where he'd left off. more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 6
- By Jim Chaffee
- I practiced ambling to class, swiveling my cane with a flourish as I entered the room. I leaned into it and scoped out the faces. The cheerleader up front smiled and shook her head like I was a certifiable loony. Her breasts strained against their sleek container. more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 7
- By Jim Chaffee
- "That," he said, "was Pete Maravich. I recognized him, but didn't want to admit it to him." more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 8
- By Jim Chaffee
- A leggy blonde in raggedy blue jeans cut into short shorts strode into the room. Jeremy turned to watch her approach, his eyes glued to her upper torso, oblivious to the spindly pins and boxy hips. Her tits hung like overfilled water balloons from high up, almost from her shoulders it seemed, swinging back and forth within a blue ribbed tank top cropped above her midriff. She halted beside Harry. The flesh sacks ceased swaying and sagged flat against her chest, their nipples, visible through the material, pointing at her toes. She stood five ten or so in her flat sandals, dwarfing the Ball twins. Her navel hovered far down on that elongated torso and I realized if the blouse had been cropped an inch shorter those fat nipples would be uncovered. more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 9
- By Jim Chaffee
- Dina lifted her crop top and let peek from below a pair of gnarly brown splotches surrounding nipples like amputated pinkies.
- "You like these?"
- I blurted "No." more...
